This is the e-mail I just sent my husband at work. I'm too freaked out to re-write, so you'll have to pardon my grammar and whatnot. But, I just had a harrowing experience.
"I just got attacked by the chipmunk.
It knocked one of the lilies over, so I went out to push the lily upright, having seen it scamper away to cause havoc elsewhere. While I'm out there, I think I should water things (I know it's midday, but the peppers look so sad when they're not watered constantly. Plus, the peppers and the corn both have this weird puckering thing going on on their leaves, and I thought water might help.) I'm watering the plants, and I think that I'll squirt water into the logs to make them uncomfortable when the chipmunk gets back and maybe it'll decide to move (I SAW the damn thing scamper away at one point... I swear!). Well, in order to do the most damage to its home with the lease damage to the wood, I use the jet function on the hose.
THE F***ING CHIPMUNK HAD WEASLED ITSELF BACK INTO THE WOOD PILE. It came sprinting out, which was of course right by my leg- literally INCHES away from me as I'm peering in, holding the hose. This causes me to LEAP into the air, shrieking my head off and somehow managing to squirt myself in the face with the hose. This was HILARIOUS for the freaking teenagers cutting through the open area to go do something stupid, but I was not amused. I was, however, wet.
The chipmunk is a ninja, and it is dangerous. I now probably have rabies or something. Probably."
I realize that the last bit is VERY Bloggess, but I've been reading a LOT of her lately, so it makes sense that I would revert to her style in my moment of panic.